Robert Shirley

Today would have been my grandfather's 90th birthday.

I've always felt this bond with my grandfather, partly because I was named after him; my middle name is Robert.

My fondest memories of my grandfather revolve around a trip I made to visit my grandparents, when I was in college.

He took me to an Optimist Club meeting (he was a big Optimist Club guy). It was me and a bunch of retired guys, and they were all so eager to talk to the 20 year old college student. My grandfather looked so proud.

We also went to Red Lobster (the only time I've ever been to Red Lobster). He insisted I get a piece of Oreo cheesecake, after eating a big lunch. I did, because he was so insistent. I got sick after that, and haven't been to Red Lobster since. Anytime I see a Red Lobster, or an Oreo cheesecake, I think of him.

He also said something to me on that trip I will never forget.

Most people don't say "wow, you look like you dad", because I don't particularly look like him. On that trip, as I was sitting in my grandparents' living room, talking about whatever, he, out of the blue, said "you know, when you smile that way, you look just like Larry". That was the first time anyone told me that I looked like my dad, and it meant a lot to me that my father's father was the first to say that to me.

My grandfather was a quiet man, but you listened to him when he talked, not because he was my grandfather, but because what he said usually was something to remember, or important. I'd like to think I'm that way also. An MBA professor of mine told me once that he wished I talked more in class because what I said, the few times I spoke, was important for everyone to hear.

In grad school, a couple of years before my grandfather passed away, I yelled at a co-worker for her being annoying. Several people came up to me after and said they were so glad I did that, because she was getting on everyone's nerves, but when you get the quiet guy angry enough to tell you to shut up, they listen.

I never heard my grandfather yell at anyone, and I can't imagine what that would sound like, but I know if he did, everyone would listen.

Thinking of you, grandpa Shirley, and here's to hoping they "let us in the Lotus Inn".

Emily and Veronica, with Grandpa

Mother's Day

My mother and I (1976)

This is my first Mother's Day without my mother. I realize though, that the last time I spent Mother's Day with my mother was 1994, before I went off to college, so the holiday has always been a call, where I say "Happy Mother's Day" and then going on to talk about other things.

I don't think my mother really liked Mother's Day, at least she always seemed to bring up how much she didn't want us to make a big deal about it.

Every year, in late April, I would be talking to my parents on my weekly Sunday call to them, when my mother would say something like "Don't get me anything for Mother's Day this year, I don't want anything, expect peace on earth." I always had this idea of getting my mom a globe with peas glued to it, you know, "peas on earth". I feel like my dad may have given her something like that at some point, for some birthday or holiday.

Peas on Earth

This request every April was always followed by one of the following: me saying "it's too late, I already got you a gift", or (and this was more common) her comment would remind me that Mother's Day was around the corner, and my mind would start to race, wondering what I could get for the woman who wants nothing.

This year, as most other years, I didn't realize Mother's Day was coming, but this year, I didn't have my mom to remind me; I had my dad. I had no idea when Mother's Day was until my dad mentioned last week, that he needed to get a gift for my sister, celebrating her 3rd Mother's Day. I've seen cards in Target, ads for Mother's Day brunches, but it never occurred to me, like almost every other year, that Mother's Day was approaching.

In a way, I'm glad I can never seem to see Mother's Day approaching because then, maybe I won't feel the pain of not having my mother around on that day, when I would call, like I did every year, and say "Happy Mother's Day", and talk about the day for 10 seconds, then move on to talk about other things.

Like I said, I don't think my mother really liked Mother's Day, and she wouldn't want us to spend too much time making a big deal about it.

My mother and I (2007)

Extra! Extra!

A few weeks ago, I was looking for a temp job and a place to play soccer. I found a place to play soccer, but the temp job was more elusive.

I then came across an ad on craigslist (one of the best sites in the world, in my opinion) looking for soccer players to be in a movie about the life of Jay-Jay Okocha. It was soccer, it was temporary; 2 birds with one stone. Thus began my stint as a featured extra in a movie.

Day 0 - The "Audition"

I had to drive 30 miles to a soccer complex to try out. I thought 20-30 people would show, but there were 8. I actually thought I was at the wrong location until the director showed up. Asking people, who probably have jobs, to show up on a Monday at 10am, for the possibility of making very little money doesn't bring out tons of people, I guess.

The movie required 3 groups of players - members of a German club team, members of a Nigerian team, and members of a Turkish team. The players chosen to be on the German team would get paid, everyone else would not. Four of the eight who showed up to the tryout were black, 3 were white, and me. The director said "all the white guys will be on the German team, all the black guys on the Nigerian team". I asked about me; he said "you're with the white guys". Apparently, I can pass as white, or some non-black ethnicity on a German club team - one of the few times in my life being mixed has been an advantage. We were told to be on set (the soccer complex 30 miles away) at 8 am the next day.

Day 1 - The cold and the rain

At about midnight, I got an email saying we had to be there at 8:30 the morning of the first day of the shoot. It was cold and rainy that day. "It rains and is cold in Germany", said Gil, the soccer choreographer. He had a point - we were supposed to be in Germany, but that didn't make the day any more enjoyable.
We were under the kind of tent you see at flea markets, with sides put up around 3 sides. This didn't do much to stop the wind. A gas-powered space heater was put into the tent, which we (some much more than others) gathered around. One guy suggested we get a giant blanket that we all wrap ourselves in - that's not the kind of thing to say to a tent full of soccer-playing guys; everyone kind of gave him a look after that suggestion.

I was involved in 2 scenes that day.
The first involved me playing defense, but not getting the ball away from the players with the ball. This is not natural. Even though I mostly played forward and midfield on Red/Blue Storm in San Jose, I feel like I'm best as a defender, and being told to defend, but not take the ball away, was frustrating.

The other scene I was in is pictured below:
In this scene, one of the stars of the movie Jimmy (who's a really cool, down-to-earth, guy), is getting out of his gear after practice. I was sitting on a metal bench, wearing shorts, with one of my cleats off, in 45-degree weather redoing the scene at least 5 times. Each time, I would start untying the second cleat, taking it off, stand up, and then put on track pants. I loved those track pants because they were the only leg covering I had had all day. The thing is, every time "cut" was said, I had to take them off again, back to the metal bench, with my shorts on.

The day ended right after that scene was done. I left for home at about 6, and I don't remember a hot shower feeling so good.

At 2 AM, I got an email message telling me to be on set at 7:30 the next morning.

Day 2 - "We're talkin' about practice, man" - Allen Iverson

I got to the set at 7:30 that morning. I did nothing until after 9. I don't know if this is a movie thing, or a this movie thing, but I learned that being there an hour late really meant you were early, and being there on time meant you were crazy to lose sleep and make the 35 minute drive to Bel Air. Of course, most people were there when they were supposed to be, but things never seemed to happen until much later.

We filmed practice on Day 2. Before we could film practice though, we had to practice practice. Practicing practice doesn't take any less energy than actually practicing, so jumping over things and doing high steps doesn't seem any easier after the 6th or 7th time. After that, the cameras started rolling and we had to do it "for real". I was exhausted, and realized how much older I was than some of the other soccer-playing extras.

We also filmed some reaction shots to the coach. If I am to get a close-up in this movie, it will be in this scene. The frustration I had in this scene came when I was told I was nodding "no" when I should be nodding "yes", to a question, whose obvious answer was "no". I kept nodding "no", because that would make more sense to anybody except the person who told me to nod "yes", and there were no complaints.

The only time my voice may appear in the film happened on that day - I shouted "Goal!", after Jimmy (I never can remember his character's name) scored a goal in "practice".

At 5:15, we (the soccer extras) were told we would be needed for one more scene. We sat and waited, and waited, and waited. At about 6:30, we were told to get ready, at 6:55 they decided to scrap the scene and told we could go home. An hour and half a sitting around....for nothing. I began to wonder about the organization and planning ability of the filmmakers.

The late night email came again, a little earlier this time - 12:30 am; we were asked to be on set at 7:30 on Day 3.

Day 3 - Everybody Quits

I arrived on the set 30 minutes late because I knew I wouldn't miss anything by getting there on time.
I got there to find very few people around, nothing set up on the field for filming, almost no one from the crew, but actors were ready to go. I went up to the soccer extras, wondering what was going on - a bunch of people, including the assistant director, had quit. The AD had a bunch of people who worked under him and they were all gone too.

Needless to say, the day started slowly. I had told myself I would leave if nothing had happened by 10 (two hours after I had arrived). Stuff started to happen at 9:30. People picked up the slack, and it ended up being the most productive day I witnessed on the set.

We got a new AD, a soccer playing AD, and filming seemed to go smoother and quicker than it had the first two days. He seemed to have the attitude of getting things done and moving on, and it worked. The director was barely on set that day, and, to be honest, I think that's why things went so well that day.

The scenes I was involved in that day revolved around an argument that the main character (played by Emeka Ike) has with a teammate, on the field. We again had to fake-play soccer. Because there were so few players, the entire scene had to take place in the penalty area of the field, without any attempt to score a goal. Can you say unrealistic? Looking back on it, I think it should have taken place anywhere but in the box, since being close to the goal didn't have any real bearing on the scene, but who am I to talk? Just a lowly featured extra.
We got out of there reasonably early that day, at about 6 pm. The soccer players would not be needed the next day, so it felt like the first Friday of the school year, when you know you won't have to go to school the next day. I was eager to get home that day.

Day 4 - The Day Off

Day 5 - When 11 hours = 45 minutes

Filming was now was moving to Coppin State University. We were told to be on set at 8:30. I got there at about 8:45 and there seemed to be a number of people around. We were supposed to be filming game sequences today, so there were a few new extras to fill out the crowd - not enough to fill out the crowd however, because 5-6 people are not quite enough to fill a soccer stadium, or a section of a stadium, or one of the bleachers in the section of the stadium.
We sat there until 10:30. Then a call came in; soccer players were not needed until 2, then the soccer choreographer came by; soccer players would not be needed until 3. Thank goodness for sisters with cars - mine came and picked me up, and I went back home.

I was back at the set at 3:15. My sister, brother-in-law, and niece hung around, possibly to be used in the crowd scenes. They sat around for a while with me and left at 5:30, feeling that they had better things to do with their time. At 6:30 we were asked to go to wardrobe. Finally, I thought, we'd be filming a game sequence. Nope - we filmed another practice scene. At 7:30, we were told we were done for the day. The total amount of time I was in costume was 45 minutes.
No one seemed to know what time we were supposed to be on set the next day, so I went home. I got home that night at about 8:15, and got a call at 10:30, letting me know that soccer players would not be needed the next day. We would get a call in a few days, I was told, to film some bar/club scenes. I asked if I could be given a more specific date; the person on the other end did not know.

Days Since

A couple of days later, I saw this on craigslist:
I got an email from the casting assistant that day, letting the cast know that filming would be put on hold for the next two weeks. I emailed her back, asking when we would be getting paid for the work we had already done. She said that was one of the reasons the film was put on hold; to sort out that kind of thing - who should be getting paid, and how much. It seems to me that kind of thing should be sorted out before filming started.

A few weeks ago, I posted a blog about being in limbo. I deleted it because I felt like the point I was trying to make wasn't getting across. My experience with this movie very much echoes the limbo I have been feeling in my life over the past 6 months.

When I left the set each day, I was never sure about when I would be wanted on set next, getting early morning emails telling me to be on set only a few hours later. When I was on set, it was never clear to me when I would be needed to do anything.

It has been a week since I heard anything about the movie (though I did hear through backchannels that the production will be moving to LA). I don't know if or when I will be needed to do anything more for this movie. I don't know if or when I will be paid for the work I've done already. I don't know if or when this movie will ever be shown to an audience.

While people may like working in film, it's not for me. I don't like limbo, I haven't liked it for the past several months in my real life, and haven't liked it for the past few weeks in my fake one.

I like knowing what I'm doing in my life and when I'm going it - I'm the kind of person who starts planning a class several months before stepping into the classroom (as I'm doing now for a class that starts in late June).

So I sit here again, as I sat here several weeks ago, only now I have a new experience I'm not sure I enjoyed or not. I just hope that some day, I have something tangible to show that I was a featured extra in a soccer movie.

I am my mother's only son

My blog posts are a way for people to get to know the "real" me; not your teacher, your colleague, your teammate, your classmate, an acquaintance, or your friend's husband. I like to think my blog posts come from a personal space, that many readers didn't know about before.

That being said, I'm not ready to go there for this blog post; not yet at least.

My mother died on March 21.

I was hoping that this blog post would be a chance for me to write about what was going on with me, both physically and emotionally in the weeks leading up to her death, and the days since. Though I have started to write that blog, it will take me some time to complete. I very much enjoy writing blog posts, but that one still feels too raw; I am overcome emotion after writing just 1-2 sentences.

I hope that posting will come, because it is something I really want to share, but for now, I have a video.

This was me at my mother's funeral. The audio didn't come out very well and would appreciate any help/advice on improving the audio.

"My name is Jefferson Kodwo Robert Shirley. I am my mother's only son"

What do those who can't teach do?

Is it bad of me to not want to do something I'm supposedly good at?

In the Fall of 1998, I was in my first semester as a graduate student instructor when I was observed for the first time. The observer said I was a born teacher; that day changed the path of my life. The thing is, I never wanted to teach before that day, and there have been many days since then when I have felt I was not in the right profession, somehow. Like there is some other Sliding Doors version of me doing something different.

I don't really want to teach while in Oxford, but everyone keeps saying "you shouldn't have a problem finding a job teaching math(s). Math(s) teachers are needed everywhere". Because of this, I have applied for some teaching positions.

One school asked me to come in and teach on Friday for 20 minutes, followed by an interview. Because of the lack of real interest I have of teaching in the UK, I didn't prepare very much. I figured I would use compound interest to develop the number e (non-math people can ignore the last sentence).

I taught, had the interview, found out the job starts in mid-April, when I'll be in the U.S. So I said I hoped they found someone good, but if they needed a volunteer to help out in the school, let me know.

They offered me a teaching job. One of the teachers who observed me said she was "blown away" by my teaching. To be honest, I don't see how anyone could be blown away by teaching I did that day.

Apparently, a relatively inexperienced teacher had to take on some additional classes several weeks ago and had been overwhelmed. They wanted to know if I could take over 2 of his classes (12 hours a week) for the last 2 weeks of the 12-week term. Most of the time would be spent reviewing what the students have covered during the term.

I was offered the job less than 48 hours before they wanted me to start at the school. I should have said no then and there, but I didn't. Instead, I took the 7 small textbooks they gave me and said I would look through the material.

A few hours later, I realized I should have said no earlier. One of the classes was filled with physics formulas that looked familiar; I had seen them in my physics classes - 15 years ago. In addition problems were worded very differently from what I was used to, leaving me wondering what some questions were actually asking the student to do.

I then looked through the materials for the other class. It had material ranging from what I learned in middle school, to 2nd semester calculus. While I can teach all of this, it was unclear how in-depth one could possibly get covering this material in 12 weeks - much less review all that material in a week and a half before a big exam.

I decided then that I didn't want this job. Students were going to be taking exams in two weeks that would have a lot to say about what universities they go to. I don't think the American with no experience teaching mathematics in this country should be the one to lead their review for these exams, when he had less than 2 days to prepare.

I emailed the school, letting them know that I would simply need more time if I were to try and wrap my head around the English mathematics curriculum. Part of me felt bad for the students - maybe I would have been a better teacher than the one they had, but I can't believe that someone in my position would be any better than the teacher they have been working with for the past several weeks.

I also felt, I shouldn't put these students (who I don't know) ahead of myself, to do something I don't really want to do, just because I'm supposedly good at it.

The Oscars

It's Oscar week again, and like I have done for the past several years, I'm ranking the nominees.


One of my favorite scenes of the year
It's a little tougher this year, because the Academy has upped the best picture crop to 10. Needless to say, seeing 10 movies is more difficult that seeing 5. Amazingly, I had seen 6 of the 10 before the nominations were announced, but had to figure out how to see the last four in Oxford without spending money. I used somewhat illegal tactics to see the last 4, and thus didn't see them in the theater.

Here are my rankings, from first to worst.

The Hurt Locker was my favorite movie of the year. I would have felt that way, even if it didn't get a best picture nod. It was kind of buried in the early summer crop of movies, so I was somewhat surprised to see it receive the accolades it has at the end-of-year awards. I usually am not a big fan of war movies, but this one really got to me; the tension the movie creates was great, but what I liked even more was the love the main character had for his job. It kind of reminded me of me (except the whole bomb defusing part that I don't have to do on the job).


Inglorious Basterds wasn't on my radar for some reason, until my friend Jason raved about it (I'm sure it's his favorite movie of the year). Another summer movie that was very good. If you don't like violent movies, don't see this, but if you like phenomenal acting, Chrisoph Waltz can't be beat. He gave the performance of the year, in my opinion. If he doesn't win the best supporting actor Oscar, the entire academy should be shot by Nazis.


Precious brought me to tears. This was a tough movie to watch because it reminded me of a few of the students I've had over the years. While Christoph Waltz gave the performance of the year, Mo'Nique gave the female performance of the year. A scene where she confronts her daughter's social worker was fantastic. While the movie as a whole was very good, the ending of the movie did leave me a little bit disappointed.


Avatar is the most technically amazing movie ever made. The special effects blew me away, but I just didn't like the story. It was too simplistic of a story, but I guess when you're spending gazillions of dollars on special effects, you can't expect a spectacular story also. Still, I was impressed with the special effects enough to say it did deserve a best picture nomination.


I liked District 9 a lot more than I thought I would. I liked the story, which I didn't think I would going in, I liked the acting of the title character, who starts and ends as two completely different people, literally. I kind of think he should have gotten a best supporting actor nod, even though he was clearly a lead actor. I don't think this movie would have gotten a nomination if there were 5 nominees, but it was in my top 5 of the list presented.


Up in the Air was over-hyped. Was it good? Sure, but not as good (in my opinion) as all the ads made it seem. I had read the book a few weeks before seeing the movie, and that may have tainted my view. The story diverged enough from the book, even introducing a major character that doesn't exist in the book, to leave me disappointed. I did really like the scenes with the people, many of them non-actors, reacting to losing their jobs and how they have survived since. I would love to see a movie of just those interviews.


Up was cute. Cute movies, in my opinion, shouldn't be nominated for best picture. Was it good? Yes, but it didn't have an affect on my like other movies. I happened to see this on my birthday last June, but it just didn't stick with me. I'm sure it will win best animated picture, as it should, but it's out of it's league in this crop.


So I have to admit, I liked The Blind Side more than I thought I would. It was the last of the 10 nominated movies I saw (I just saw it a couple of days ago) and I had been putting it off because it just seemed like a sappy "based on a true story" movie. It was that, but it was good. Should it win best picture? Absolutely not, but it was better than I expected.


I didn't realize that A Serious Man and A Single Man were two different movies until a few weeks ago. A Serious Man got the best picture nomination, and it was just alright for me. It had it's moments, but I'm sure I won't remember much about it in a month. Like some other Coen brothers movies, I thought it was trying too hard to be cool, like you needed to be in to get it. I guess I didn't. As odd as this sounds, the ending of this movie reminded me a little of the end of No Country for Old Men (another Coen brothers movie). I loved that movie, I didn't care much for this one.


I think the premise of An Education kind of creeped me out; 30-something man going after a 16 year old is not really my idea of a movie I'd want to watch. I know it got a lot of accolades, but I just didn't think is was more than "good", except for Alfred Molina, who was very good. I was somewhat disappointed, because I thought I would like it more than I did.

accreditation means everything

For anyone who works in higher education, you know that accreditation means everything. A university could have all the Nobel laureates in the world, but if it's not accredited, any degree the university grants is basically worthless.

A little over a week ago, in my continuous job search, I came across a position for an Education Development Director. It said almost nothing about the job, but the title seemed pretty cool, something that might combine my education background and my MBA. I sent off my CV, not really expecting to hear back, because I don't have much of a "director" background, but what the hell.

I heard back from them the next day, via email, asking me if I could come in for an interview the day after that. I was excited, wondering what the job would entail. I immediately wrote back saying I would be there at the designated time.

I few hours later, I heard back from them, asking me to look at their web page in preparation for the interview. They worked for 2 groups/clubs and the role of the EDD would be to keep help organize group meetings, help the groups grow, and generally, keep the group members happy. I was asked to be able to be prepared to talk about an initial strategy on how to do this. At this point, the job didn't seem as cool as I had thought - it sounded more like a glorified secretary - but the title still sounded cool, so I started looking at their website.

The first thing that struck me was the annoying music on their website. I have a thing about business-type websites that play music; if you're not in the entertainment business, I don't need to hear music on your website.

I decided to look into the education group first. It is a group made up of university presidents (rectors). When I looked at the list of members, I recognized none of the universities (or higher places of learning) these rectors represented. Many of them were from Eastern Europe and Central Asia, so I just thought it was because I don't know those regions very well.

Then, I saw one member from North America, Vancouver University. I'd never heard of Vancouver University; I'd heard of UBC, in Vancouver, UVIC, kind of, but not exactly, close to Vancouver. So I went to Wikipedia.

Vancouver University was closed in 2007, after the president (who was listed as being a member of the Club of Rectors) died. It also mentioned that the university was not accredited. That's when a red flag went up. How many of these universities are accredited???

I then looked up the university of the president of this club, International University of Vienna. Again, according to Wikipedia, it was not accredited in Austria, where it is based. Some more research revealed that the university has accreditation in Alabama. A little bit more research revealed that a lot of these diploma mills set up shop in Alabama because of lax, or unenforced accreditation laws. The degrees from these schools are of no value to anyone other than the schools themselves. I found several lists from other states in the US that do not recognize a degree from the International University of Vienna.

At that point, I decided this was not a job I wanted, but would go to the interview anyway; I wanted to tell the company what I found out, because, after all, it was their suggestion that I research the groups.

The interview lasted 15 minutes.

I went to the designated location and was told it would be a Skype interview - which was great, because I wouldn't have to shake anyone's hands after I told them off.

The interviewer (who I think owns/runs the company) didn't even have the title of the position right, calling it "director of development", forgetting the word "education" and reversing the words "development" and "director".

I told him they needed to clean up the inside before they could get new members, mentioning that a member had been dead for over 2 years. I also said they needed more "brand name" universities, if they really wanted to grow - he said they were hoping to get more American universities (I laughed on the inside - no legitimate American university would join this group).

I asked him to tell me more about who could join the business group the company worked with.

He said, "Any business, as long as it is legal, of course".

I jumped in at this point, "Speaking of legal...."

I told him what I had found out about the president of the Club of Rectors. He responded by saying that the school is accredited in Alabama. I told him that being in Alabama doesn't make the school's accreditation valid anywhere else. He didn't seem to have an answer to that.

I explained that if a student got a degree from that school and wanted to go somewhere else for grad school, it wouldn't happen; they might probably even have problems getting a job, if that school were on their CV. I told him that it would be virtually impossible to get any legitimate American universities involved, as long as the group's president was from an unaccredited school.

At some point in here, I told him I had no interest in the job. He said several times that he would have to bring up this accreditation issue with the president of the club - I doubt he ever will.

I've considered contacting the Thames Valley Chamber of Commerce, to let them know that one of their members works with a somewhat shady group, but I don't really think that would be worth my time.

After I told him I had no interest in the job, I told him that I had worked in education my entire career, and will probably work in education again, and because I've worked in higher education, I know that accreditation means everything.

Give my brother back his watch, or else....

I have two sisters - one older and one younger.

Affie is technically my 1/2 sister, but when someone is around from the time you're born, it's hard to think of them as being 1/2 a relative. She's 11 years and 10 days older than me, but even though there is a big age difference, it's never been a problem. Affie has always had my back, once threatening the mother of a classmate, who stole my watch. I've seen her not back off in an argument with a man at least a foot taller then her (she's 4'11") and probably double her weight.

Emily is 4 years and 360 days younger than me (16 years and 5 days younger than Affie), although, at times, people have thought she and I were twins. For the longest time, Affie and I always saw her as the baby. We have made fun of her when she couldn't speak with a West African accent on a trip to Ghana, but we've always looked out for her, the way older siblings always look out for younger ones - "don't pick on my sister, only I can do that."

Things are a little different now.

My family has been going through some tough times over the past few months. For the purposes of privacy, I'll leave it that. It's been difficult for me to put on a happy face over that time. Getting through the holidays, moving to Europe, and meeting a few new people. It has been difficult trying look one way on the outside, while feeling very much the opposite on the inside.

During this time, I've had the support of Lauren, which has been great, but when I've wanted someone to turn to, it has been my sister. Not my older sister, as one might expect, but my younger one.

She has become like the older sibling, and I'm not sure when this happened. Was it when she got a leadership position at a childcare facility, dealing with parents who are more difficult to deal with than their kids? Was it when she had a child of her own, who had to go through an very tough 1st year of life? I don't know. What I do know is, Emily has been the rock in our family, who seems to be the most calm in the storm, the sibling who I now look up to, who I feel now has my back at least as much as I have hers, the 2nd older sister I never had.

you're sitting in a chair - in the sky!

In the Fall of 2003, I walked into a Bank of America in Oakland. I wanted to open a checking account. In less than an hour, I walked out of the bank, with an account and a debit card. The woman who set up the account was apologetic for not being able to get me a debit card with my picture on it, because the camera was broken. I was told I could come back in a couple of days, after the camera had been fixed, to get a new card, with a picture.

In January 2010, I walked into a bank in Oxford, hoping to get added to Lauren's already existing checking account. I walked out in an hour, with nothing. Four weeks later, I still don't have a debit card, and I wouldn't want to think about how long it would take if I wanted a picture on the debit card that I don't have yet.

What has bothered me most, during my time in Oxford so far, is how much waiting needs to be done for things that, to me, shouldn't take so long.

The National Insurance Number

The day after I got here, I found out I needed to get a National Insurance Number. I was told of a place to go to start the process. When I got there, they didn't have forms for me to fill out, they had a phone number for me to call (why not have forms there?). I called and was asked for some information. I gave the information then was told I would be sent a form (it arrived a week later).

The form asked me the same questions I was asked on the phone - why ask them on the phone then? I filled out the form, waited another 10 days to get the NI Number. With the letter that has the number, I'm told I will have to wait 6 - 8 weeks to get the official NI Number card. Lauren filled out her paper work in October - still no card for her. So I wait....

The NHS Number

Every resident in the UK is entitled to healthcare (unlike another country I am very familiar with). To get registered with the National Health Service, I was told to go to a medical center and I would be given a form to fill out; it's just that simple. I went, was given the form, but then was told I needed a letter for Lauren's college stating that I was going to be in the UK until October 2011.

I don't have a problem with this except, I have a visa that says I'm in the UK until October 2011 - anyone can write a letter, only the government can issue a visa. I got the letter, went back, and now I wait to be given a number.

The Gym Membership

The MSU gym had one requirement - be a student. The De Anza gym required you to take a class to become a gym member, then register for gym use every quarter. The Wolfson College gym required me to go to a gym induction. This makes sense, I thought, you don't want people hurting themselves, right?

I signed up for the induction, which is only offered once a term. I felt lucky to be one of the 15 people who can go through an induction (over 25 people showed up and no one was turned away). At the induction, we needed to sign a sheet showing we were there - again, this makes sense. You should get your gym card in about a week, I was told. Well, not exactly.

A week came an went, then I heard, through the grapevine known as my wife, that I had to go and get another form, fill it out and sign it, and then wait a week. Why not have these forms at the induction? Why not tell us we need to do this at the induction? So I wait for my gym membership card, as I get flabby.

The Bank

When we met with the bank guy, he was very customer-focused, making sure we were happy. He said some things needed to be checked, so I could not be added to Lauren's account on that day, which seems fair I guess, but I don't really know what is so important that needs to be checked and why a week would be needed to do the checking; we would be putting our money into your bank. We have no credit line, so we can't really overdraft - what needs to be checked?

A week later, he called us, saying everything checked out okay. We then needed to make an appointment to come in and complete "paperwork". "Paperwork" was us sitting in his office while he did a bunch of stuff on his computer, and then us signing a couple of times - we were there for about 45 minutes to sign papers that took us about 45 seconds.

The debit card would be mailed, he said; it would get to me in about a week. A week came, a week went, no debit card. I got a courtesy call from the bank and I mentioned, in passing, that I still didn't have my debit card. The woman on the other end was shocked to find out it was never actually sent. "I'll make sure it gets sent out", she said, "you will have it in about a week". It has been over a week (11 days to be exact), and still I wait for my debit card.

I remember leaving that Bank of America in 2003, a little upset that the camera wasn't working so I wouldn't have a picture on my debit card that day (I never went back to get one with a picture). Looking back, what was I so upset about? I had access to an account 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Why did I care at all about a crappy picture on the card.

Now, even though I rant about having to wait, every time I get frustrated with the waiting, I ask, what would Louis CK say to me? And I think of this clip...

A Ramling, Semi-Pointless, Blog Entry

So I've decided to move my blog. I got so frustrated with Wordpress that I decided to move this blog to Blogger. Wordpress looks slicker, but not being able to have things look the way I wanted them to, having blog posts have different font sizes, not getting photos to look like I wanted them - it became too time-consuming.

Speaking of time consuming, I've had little to do over the past week.

I had a "get to know you" session with a company that seemed somewhat interested in me. I can't say I was thrilled with the opportunity, mainly because it was kind of far. Also, me having to go to the US in April and in June was kind of a turn-off for them, so I guess it ended up working out best for both parties.

The whole April and June trips have made the job hunt somewhat more difficult. Who would want to hire a person who would end up missing 3-4 weeks during their first 4 months on the job? I wouldn't.

I think if I had known about the April trip (Lauren is going to a conference in Baltimore, and being that my family is there, it makes sense for me to go), I think I would have stayed at De Anza for the Winter Quarter, and started my leave in April. It would have made more sense, and made me more money. But, what can you do, right?

I've looked at a lot of jobs here, and the one thing that has struck me, is how much lower salaries are here, when compared to the Bay Area. Of course everyone talks about how expensive the Bay Area is, but rents in Oxford are similar to the Bay Area and transportation costs a hell of a lot more, so I've been surprised at how low some salaries are.

On the other hand, I think groceries are cheaper here. I have always loved going grocery shopping - I think it's genetic - my dad is also a fan of the grocery store and even has a "system" that I won't get into here. The combination of knowing the conversion rate, the knowing the math to do the conversion quickly, and the enjoyment of walking around grocery stores, has told me that groceries are cheaper here, for the most part. I've started to mentally log which stores have the cheapest fill-in-the-blank. I still have a way to go before I can tell you which store has the cheapest shampoo, but I'm sure I can get there in a few months.

The highlight of my week so far was winning a copy of the novel Push (which the film Precious is based on) from a website and movie theater promotion. It's the third time I've won something in a city-wide contest (in high school, over one summer, I won $103 and movie tickets to a movie I never bothered picking up, from two different radio stations). Anyhow, as my blog readers know, reading is not really my thing. I'll read this book though, eventually, because I've been told from several people that it's worth the read. One of the recommenders was a counselor who worked with a student I had a few Quarters ago. They recommended I read the book because the student was very similar to the main character in the book so, if nothing else, I'm curious about that comparison.

I feel like this has been quite the rambling blog, making little sense, and probably putting you to sleep, so, for no reason whatsoever, here's Charlie Brown (I've had Charlie for years, and I say where ever his is, is home).