you're sitting in a chair - in the sky!

In the Fall of 2003, I walked into a Bank of America in Oakland. I wanted to open a checking account. In less than an hour, I walked out of the bank, with an account and a debit card. The woman who set up the account was apologetic for not being able to get me a debit card with my picture on it, because the camera was broken. I was told I could come back in a couple of days, after the camera had been fixed, to get a new card, with a picture.

In January 2010, I walked into a bank in Oxford, hoping to get added to Lauren's already existing checking account. I walked out in an hour, with nothing. Four weeks later, I still don't have a debit card, and I wouldn't want to think about how long it would take if I wanted a picture on the debit card that I don't have yet.

What has bothered me most, during my time in Oxford so far, is how much waiting needs to be done for things that, to me, shouldn't take so long.

The National Insurance Number

The day after I got here, I found out I needed to get a National Insurance Number. I was told of a place to go to start the process. When I got there, they didn't have forms for me to fill out, they had a phone number for me to call (why not have forms there?). I called and was asked for some information. I gave the information then was told I would be sent a form (it arrived a week later).

The form asked me the same questions I was asked on the phone - why ask them on the phone then? I filled out the form, waited another 10 days to get the NI Number. With the letter that has the number, I'm told I will have to wait 6 - 8 weeks to get the official NI Number card. Lauren filled out her paper work in October - still no card for her. So I wait....

The NHS Number

Every resident in the UK is entitled to healthcare (unlike another country I am very familiar with). To get registered with the National Health Service, I was told to go to a medical center and I would be given a form to fill out; it's just that simple. I went, was given the form, but then was told I needed a letter for Lauren's college stating that I was going to be in the UK until October 2011.

I don't have a problem with this except, I have a visa that says I'm in the UK until October 2011 - anyone can write a letter, only the government can issue a visa. I got the letter, went back, and now I wait to be given a number.

The Gym Membership

The MSU gym had one requirement - be a student. The De Anza gym required you to take a class to become a gym member, then register for gym use every quarter. The Wolfson College gym required me to go to a gym induction. This makes sense, I thought, you don't want people hurting themselves, right?

I signed up for the induction, which is only offered once a term. I felt lucky to be one of the 15 people who can go through an induction (over 25 people showed up and no one was turned away). At the induction, we needed to sign a sheet showing we were there - again, this makes sense. You should get your gym card in about a week, I was told. Well, not exactly.

A week came an went, then I heard, through the grapevine known as my wife, that I had to go and get another form, fill it out and sign it, and then wait a week. Why not have these forms at the induction? Why not tell us we need to do this at the induction? So I wait for my gym membership card, as I get flabby.

The Bank

When we met with the bank guy, he was very customer-focused, making sure we were happy. He said some things needed to be checked, so I could not be added to Lauren's account on that day, which seems fair I guess, but I don't really know what is so important that needs to be checked and why a week would be needed to do the checking; we would be putting our money into your bank. We have no credit line, so we can't really overdraft - what needs to be checked?

A week later, he called us, saying everything checked out okay. We then needed to make an appointment to come in and complete "paperwork". "Paperwork" was us sitting in his office while he did a bunch of stuff on his computer, and then us signing a couple of times - we were there for about 45 minutes to sign papers that took us about 45 seconds.

The debit card would be mailed, he said; it would get to me in about a week. A week came, a week went, no debit card. I got a courtesy call from the bank and I mentioned, in passing, that I still didn't have my debit card. The woman on the other end was shocked to find out it was never actually sent. "I'll make sure it gets sent out", she said, "you will have it in about a week". It has been over a week (11 days to be exact), and still I wait for my debit card.

I remember leaving that Bank of America in 2003, a little upset that the camera wasn't working so I wouldn't have a picture on my debit card that day (I never went back to get one with a picture). Looking back, what was I so upset about? I had access to an account 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Why did I care at all about a crappy picture on the card.

Now, even though I rant about having to wait, every time I get frustrated with the waiting, I ask, what would Louis CK say to me? And I think of this clip...