on the fringe

i'm experiencing my third fringe festival this month, having moved to edinburgh in the middle of the 2010 festival. the population of the city is double what is normally is, with tourists in town. odd people in costumes walking around town, people passing out fliers ever few steps, street performers doing their thing. tourists get a taste of what edinburgh is not like 11 months of the year. some may go home with this image of the fringe as representing edinburgh. thankfully, for those of us who live here, edinburgh in august is a completely different beast from edinburgh during the rest of the year.

people in sci-fi suits, on stilts, passing out fliers to a show

i've decided to try and see a number of free shows this year as part of the free fringe - you watch the show, and when it's over, the performer stands by the exit with a bucket, or pale, and you donate what you feel is right. the free fringe is like the fringe to the fringe; the fringier fringe, if you will.

i feel like, in a number of ways, i'm on the fringe.

starting with where we live. we live on the fringe of the most touristy parts of town, just behind the palace, just a short way from the base of arthur's seat. this kind of fringe living is great. we are close enough to everything, but can retreat to our quiet street, where we don't hear the fringe tourists walking the streets, cars, or drunks at all hours of the night. the only loud noises we hear overnight, are seagulls arguing in the early hours of the morning (i should say, this isn't necessarily the nicest sound to hear at 5 am, but still).

i've been at my job for over a year, but still feel on the fringe somehow. part of it has to do with our office being in a different building from the rest of our colleagues in the undergraduate office. but even beyond that, i feel on the fringe. i've had more responsibility over the summer and leading into the new school year because i've been the only one in my office who was around from june to september. i've been asked to represent the office a few times, and have had to do something i haven't done since teaching - stand in front of a room and talk to people. you would think that this would make me feel more like i belong, but i still don't quite feel that way. there's a kind of insecurity i've felt with my job that bothers me, and i won't get into here, but i think as long as i feel that sense of insecurity, i'll continue to feel like i'm on the fringe in the school of education.

two years ago, i wrote this blog. i reread it yesterday and it prompted me to write the blog you are reading right now. i am a bit amazed of how much the third segment of the blog remains true. i've learned that scottish people are hard to get to know - they don't seem to want to open up much. i'm very much the same way; i'll be the first to admit that i'm a very difficult person to get to know. and so, two years later, i still feel like the number of scottish people i know is very small. i have these ideas of going to a pub regularly, or joining some sort of group. i've tried the latter several times, but went once and never went back - i'm just not social enough to enjoy trying to make friends and feeling uncomfortable trying. so i remain on the fringe of scottish culture and society. still feeling like a tourist, looking in on this world that doesn't seem quite right somehow; the way tourists must see the street performers when they come to edinburgh in august.